Navigating Engagement and Long Distance as a Catholic Couple

This blog post was written by TCBC Vendor and Photographer Alexis Dean from Alexis Dean Photography

For all the couples juggling wedding planning while miles apart from your fiancé, I see you—and this blog is for you! My husband and I were long-distance for most of our time dating, the entirety of our engagement, and the first few months of marriage.

This season of engagement is far more than just planning a wedding; it’s about preparing for a lifetime together. As brides, it’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning: the dress, the flowers, the seating chart. While these details matter, they shouldn’t take over your relationship.

Your engagement is the time to build a foundation for your marriage, and that’s even more critical when you’re long-distance. With the right mindset, tools, and support, you can make this time joyful, meaningful, and uniquely yours. Here are my top three tips to help you navigate the long-distance engagement journey.

1. Plan Your Marriage, Not Just Your Wedding

Between short phone calls, Pre-Cana requirements, and meeting vendors, wedding planning can quickly take over your limited and precious time together. It’s easy to forget that you also need to prepare for your marriage.

Complete as much as you can virtually so your weekends together focus on building your relationship rather than ticking off a checklist. Technology is a lifesaver when planning a wedding from different locations. My husband and I relied on digital tools like a shared email account and a Google spreadsheet to track everything—from our guest list to vendor contacts. These tools kept us organized, in sync, and saved us time digging through old messages.

There are countless wedding-planning apps that help manage timelines, budgets, and checklists. By collaborating digitally, you can make progress independently and review decisions together during calls, saving valuable time. Reserve your in-person visits for meaningful conversations and quality experiences that nurture your relationship.

This season is about preparing your hearts for the vocation of marriage. While the wedding is important, building a strong foundation for your relationship is essential. Never let wedding planning interfere with preparing for marriage. Don’t hesitate to take breaks from planning if you need a respite from decisions and deadlines. During our engagement, we intentionally finished all wedding details two months before the big day. This pause allowed us to refocus on preparing for our marriage rather than stressing about last-minute logistics.

If you haven’t established a prayer routine that works long-distance, this is the perfect time to start. Praying together is incredibly beneficial! My husband and I read the same book (like Three to Get Married or 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged) and discussed it over the phone. Another great option is praying the rosary together or setting aside time to pray simultaneously. A priest once told me that even though we were physically apart, the Holy Spirit unites us in prayer, bringing us so much peace.

2. Embrace This Season

The best thing you can do during this season is to embrace its joys and challenges as they come. Engagement is a transformative time, and being long-distance adds its own complexities. But within these challenges lies an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.

This period may look different for you compared to others in your life. Engagement is a whirlwind of change, often accompanied by strong emotions. Adding distance, time zones, or moving plans can heighten these feelings. Be gentle with each other as you navigate these changes.

Anxiety about upcoming life changes may manifest in surprising ways, but it’s not necessarily a reflection of your relationship. Take time to work through these emotions together rather than making assumptions. By our first anniversary, I had quit my job, moved, lost a family member, started a business, and was expecting our son—talk about a whirlwind! You or your fiancé may experience a similar mix of excitement and stress. Supporting each other through this will strengthen your bond for the future.

Long-distance wedding planning often means tackling tasks solo. I went dress shopping, venue scouting, cake tasting, and conducted vendor consultations on my own because our wedding was in my city, where I didn’t have friends or family nearby. While intimidating at first, clear communication about our priorities gave me confidence to make decisions without agonizing over them until our next call. Celebrate these milestones, even if they don’t look like you imagined!

Marriage preparation requirements are set by the diocese, and oftentimes parishes will add more to the diocesan minimum so this varies from church to church. Your local parish might not be used to working with a long-distance couple. Ask them what their Pre-Cana requirements are and how you may be able to complete them virtually. We consolidated the in-person meetings into two very long days and completed everything else virtually – including our married couple mentoring sessions. Though not required for us, we opted to also complete Engaged Encounter and Natural Family Planning classes online. Your church may be fully prepared to accommodate your needs, but it also may be the first time they need to accommodate these special requests. Don’t be afraid to ask the question. The answer is always no unless you ask! It can sometimes feel like there are far more no’s than yes’s, but ultimately it is worth taking your time on these pieces. Your church wants to see your marriage succeed so they may be hesitant to alter their current marriage prep model.

3. Catholic Vendors Are Your Secret Weapon

Hiring trusted vendors means you can let go of the small details and focus on your fiancé. You have such scant time together when you’re long distance, you have to protect your time as much as possible. Even if you’re Type A like my husband and me, wedding planners are a lifesaver, especially for long-distance couples! They will take most of the planning burden away and can even save you money in the long run. They know the ins-and-outs of the industry and many vendors (myself included) offer discounts if you’re working with a wedding planner.

Finding the right vendors is always helpful, but it’s especially vital when you’re planning a long-distance wedding. Catholic vendors, in particular, can be an incredible blessing for you!  As Catholic vendors, we genuinely want to see your marriage thrive. We understand that a wedding isn’t just a celebration; it’s a sacrament. We will pray for you throughout your engagement, and trust me, those prayers make a difference. For us, having vendors who supported not just our wedding day but our future marriage was invaluable. Their prayers and support counteracted the negative voices we heard along the way about long-distance relationships, and marriage in general. You are not alone on this journey, and it’s wonderful to have other supportive voices!

There are so many resources on how to select specific vendors and it’s not quite in the scope of this blog. However, we always asked ourselves how we want to feel on our wedding day: relaxed, energized, glamorous, etc. Then, we selected our vendors based on their values and if they projected similar emotions to the ones we wanted on our wedding day. Think about how you want to feel on your wedding day. Do you envision a calm and relaxed atmosphere? Or maybe you want an energetic and lively celebration? Choose vendors whose personalities and values align with the emotions you want to experience. This intentionality will make your day feel truly “you.”

Planning a wedding long-distance comes with hurdles, but it’s also an incredible opportunity to deepen your connection and build a strong foundation for your future. I’m still so thankful for the communication-based foundation we built during our engagement. Focus on what matters most: your faith, your relationship, and the journey you’re embarking on together. You’ve got this! Lean on your fiancé, community, and vendors—and most importantly, trust in God’s plan for your marriage.